


Disconnected

by ArturoSavinni



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 01:01:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3831322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArturoSavinni/pseuds/ArturoSavinni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iwaizumi questions his place in the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disconnected

**Author's Note:**

> Depression was winning out recently, so decided to write it out... Iwa-chan was the unlucky victim.

The sound of an alarm cuts through the silence of Iwaizumi’s room. The teen sighs and turns over onto his side, reaching his hand out to turn it off. He stares at the time and blinks slowly. He doesn’t know why he didn’t turn it off earlier. It’s not as though he needed the reminder to wake up when he hadn’t slept at all. His brain wouldn’t shut down long enough to allow him to fall into slumber.

After a few more minutes of staring blankly at the clock he finally pulls himself out of bed. He rubs at his eyes before slowly trudging to the bathroom. His body creaks and aches with not having properly rested the night before. A quick look in the mirror and the sight of his face makes him groan. Dark circles have settled under his eyes, his skin having turned pallid leads to his cheekbones appearing more prominent, making him appear almost gaunt. He drags a hand over his face before he turns the faucet to splash his face with cold water. When he looks back up there isn’t much improvement, but he hadn’t expected there to be.

Once his teeth are properly brushed he heads back to his room to get into his school uniform. He’s slow to get dressed, lethargic and not wanting to go to school, to face the world at all really. However, he’d much rather avoid the questions that would surely arise from his mother, or more annoyingly Oikawa.

Iwaizumi grabs his schoolbag and moves quietly down the stairs, heading for the kitchen to grab an apple before he exits his house without further sound, besides the locking of the door. On the sidewalk he kicks a rock, scuffing his shoe somewhat and he hears a sound of disapproval from up ahead.

“That’s why the bottoms of your pants are always frayed, y’know Iwa-chan.” Oikawa says, his voice cheery and light, the complete opposite of what Iwaizumi is currently feeling. Even his friend’s naturally curved hair seems to mock him today.

When Iwaizumi doesn’t answer, which isn’t all that unusual, Oikawa simply hums and falls into step beside him. He begins to chatter aimlessly to fill the silence, yammering on about the programs he managed to watch last night and complain about their literature assignment.

It doesn’t take long before they arrive to the gates of their school. Iwaizumi is about to continue on the path before a hand wraps around his wrist. He glances back at Oikawa who is surveying him. This makes Iwaizumi frown and his skin crawls with dread. “What?” He snaps and snatches his arm out of the other’s grasp.

“Are you okay Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asks, point blank.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Iwaizumi answers with a question and stalks off, preferring to avoid Oikawa attempting to pry more out of him. He’s silently grateful that they’re in different classes so that he won’t have to deal with his friend sighing dramatically and giving him pointed stares until he breaks. It never takes very long for Iwaizumi to crack under his best friend’s inquiring gaze.

By the time Oikawa catches up to him he’s already inside the school, walking down the hall towards his classroom. “Iwa-chan,” he drawls and slings an arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulders, “you didn’t have to run away y’know.” He says and knocks their heads together, making the other grunt.

They run into Hanamaki and Matsukawa as they turn down the hall to the third-year classrooms. The pair give them a short wave each and join them. “Getting colder, don’t you think?” Hanamaki asks and rubs his hands together to emphasize his point. “Think it was worse on the train though.” He says and looks at Matsukawa who nods in agreement.

“Well, we are heading into the winter season.” Oikawa responds, his arm finally slipping off from Iwaizumi’s shoulders. “Definitely not my favourite season, have to admit. It’s far too dull and boring.”

“Don’t think we’ll have much chance to be bored, but you certainly aren’t wrong about it being dull.” Matsukawa replies.

“That’s true. They’re really piling the work on us now aren’t they? Preparing us for our futures, as they say, though I think they’re really just trying to figure out how much homework they can issue before our brains explode.” Hanamaki muses, earning a chuckle from Oikawa and Matsukawa. “What do you think Iwaizumi?”

“What?” Iwaizumi blinks and looks up at the other three, his fellow third years and former teammates. “Oh, yeah, one of my brothers told me the next few months will be the worst months of your entire school career.”

Hanamaki shudders. “That’s not very reassuring.”

The others mutter their agreement. “Well this is us.” Matsukawa says, stopping in front of a classroom door with Oikawa. “Meet up at lunch?”

When Iwaizumi and Hanamaki nod in assent they head towards their own classroom.

After he takes his seat near the back, Iwaizumi pulls out his notebook and then promptly stares out the window. He pillows his head in his arms, his gaze listless as he watches the sky turn grey.

He spends much of the morning in this state despite his attempts to absorb what their teacher is saying, doing her level best to drill the lessons into his mind. Honestly, if she asked him a question on what she had been saying he wouldn’t be able to answer. Her voice isn’t properly reaching his ears; it’s as though he is under water while she speaks. In fact his entire being seems to shrouded in a fog, making everything less clear, distant even.

So instead of proper notes, there’s just scribbly lines and swirls of abstract shapes doodled on his paper. He will no doubt regret this later once their homework is assigned but at the moment, Iwaizumi can’t bring himself to care about it at all.

The bell rings signalling that it’s lunchtime. He’s so out of it that Hanamaki has to poke him with a pencil to get him to move. Once he has the plastic bag holding his bento the pair leave to go meet with Oikawa and Matsukawa. The four find an empty staircase and eat their lunch there, opting out of eating outside due to the chill of the air.

While the other three chat amicably, trading stories with one another, Iwaizumi is mostly silent. He only speaks up if asked a question directly. Oikawa’s eyes have been on him more often than not which unnerves him, but he tries to not let it show. Instead he picks at the grains of rice in front of him, occasionally raising his chopsticks to his mouth. Despite this, he hasn’t really eaten all that much. For the most part he’s only just pushed his food around and there’s no doubt in his mind that Oikawa has noticed this though he doesn’t bring it up.

When the other three finish their respective lunches, Iwaizumi stuffs his lunchbox back into the plastic bag, which earns him a frown from Oikawa. He ignores this in favour of walking down the hall back to their classroom. As the conversation picks up again between the quartet, they are interrupted by a group of giggling girls. Matsukawa smirks and gives a sideway glance to Hanamaki who rolls his eyes despite the matching grin on his own face.

Iwaizumi knows that Oikawa will indulge the girls, never wanting to be rude to his fans, so he bids him farewell. Even on a good day his patience runs low at hanging around as his friend has girls gush over him. Hanamaki and Matsukawa join him soon after. “Still popular as ever that guy,” Hanamaki says, his voice holding in a laugh. “To be so lucky.”

Matsukawa hums his agreement, and then him and Hanamaki begin to talk of their lighthearted envy over having a swarm of girls fawning over their former captain. Iwaizumi doesn’t find it so surprising that Oikawa’s fans haven’t dwindled in the least, despite the fact that Seijou hadn’t advanced to play in the Spring High tournament.

Oikawa’s always been admired for more than just his skills in volleyball. Sometimes it’s exhausting to be friends with someone who shines so much more brighter than you. Iwaizumi usually doesn’t give this much thought, and he is more often than not content with where he stands in the universe. However, there will be times where these thoughts claw their way from the back of his mind to the forefront and do their level best to pull him down into a pit of despair. The reminder flashing before him that he’s at best, average, and that he’s thoroughly out of place at Oikawa’s side.

As Iwaizumi settles back into his desk after having bid Matsukawa farewell, he rests his chin on his hand. He watches as the clouds swirl up above, angry and dark, leaving him to wonder what it would be like if were to sucked up into that, if it would blow him out of existence. Would anyone miss him? Even if they did, he’s certain that they could survive just fine without him.

When the teacher calls for the attention of the class, Iwaizumi can barely muster the will to turn his head to look ahead. The board behind her blurs, and her voice is quick to turn back into the warbling he heard during the morning. He sighs and gives up on trying to listen, instead letting his mind stray to the night before. His oldest brother’s words dropping acidically over him, spiralling him even further into the more mournful parts of his brain. They force him to recall a memory from his childhood when he had been dealt his first real blow.

_His father’s voice low and gruff drifted out beyond the closed door of the man’s study. Iwaizumi had been intending to ask if he could go over to a friend’s house when he heard his name uttered from his mother’s lips. He paused with his hand on the door knob and frowned._

_He had considered going back to his room, but they were talking about him, so it wouldn’t hurt if he listened would it? Iwaizumi pressed his ear to the door, his eyebrows knitting together as the conversation continued._

_“What did you say?” His father asked._

_“I was just wondering, but I’ve noticed that you’re rather distant with Hajime, compared to your older sons I mean.”_

_“And your point is what exactly?”_

_“I wanted to know if there was particular reason for that.”_

_There had been a beat of silence before the oldest Iwaizumi of the house spoke. “Well, I guess it has to do with the fact that the boy had been a mistake. Not planned you see, and I had thought two boys were enough, but what could we do? Of course, then Saiko died during his birth; I suppose I’ve always blamed him for that.”_

_Suddenly Iwaizumi’s breath had caught in his throat and he backed slowly away from the door, his body trembling at this information. He had bumped into his oldest brother who had raised an eyebrow at him and watched as he scrambled back into his bedroom._

Iwaizumi remembers he had been quite distraught, though he had been quick to build walls and block out the revelation. However that conversation had filtered through his mind another time, when his father divorced his mother, and he had been sent to live with her despite the fact that they didn’t have a biological connection between them.

He honestly didn’t mind, since she had been the only mother he had known. Sure it had meant that he would move to a much more modest house, but that house happened to be in the very same neighbourhood as the Oikawa household.

All things considered, he’s been fairly happy living with his mother, having Oikawa as his best friend, despite how the other boy could drive him crazy at times, and falling in love with volleyball. Even when his mother had remarried to the man who would become his stepfather and his initial reservations towards him, he had come to like him too.

Still, sometimes the fact that he had been unwanted by his own father will come clattering over his happiness. His oldest brother’s words burn through him again, pricking incessantly at him . He had come to deliver flowers to his mother from their father yesterday evening, congratulating her on her pregnancy. Before he had left, he managed to catch Iwaizumi in the hall. _“Must be a bit of a blow for you huh? First you flame-out in volleyball and now Reira-san will have her very own child to love, not needing you anymore.”_

After that his brother had clasped a hand over his shoulder, squeezing roughly and gave him a wicked grin before he left. As Iwaizumi dwells on this, a kick to his leg jolts him from his memories and he looks around. There are quiet snickers from some of his classmates. The teacher has asked him a question.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

His teacher sighs before she asks him the question again. He stumbles over his answer, and she frowns, looking disappointed before she turns her attention to someone else. Iwaizumi can feel Hanamaki staring at the back of his head, no doubt wondering what the hell is wrong with him.

That’s why when the bell buzzes at the end of the day, he’s quick to pack up and race out of the classroom to the shoe lockers. His heart races as he slips on his shoes and he adjusts his bag. He halfway considers leaving without Oikawa but decides against it, instead waiting by a tree near the gates. He wouldn’t hear the end of it otherwise.

He frowns when he sees him. There’s a gaggle of girls vying for his attention. It seems like the amount increases with each passing month. He shudders thinking about how crazy it will be in March, when they graduate. No doubt there will be a scramble from his fans to have the second button from his blazer.

Oikawa finally manages to reach him, free of the girls, his face flushed from the cool air, and no doubt the girls too. “Sorry, sorry,” Oikawa says and holds his hands up as he approaches, expecting Iwaizumi to hit him or scold him.

However Iwaizumi does neither and instead turns to walk out past the gates. He can feel his friend glance at him the moment he reaches his side. Oikawa doesn’t ask him anything though, for which he is silently grateful. When they reach their neighbourhood, Oikawa stops. “Iwa-chan?” Iwaizumi pauses, though doesn’t look at him. “Can you come over?”

“Tch, no.”

“Aw, but Iwa-chan I could really use your help with Calculus y’know! Pleaaasee?” Oikawa whines and is suddenly in his space, his cold nose nudging at Iwaizumi’s neck.

“Stop that. Ugh fine.” Iwaizumi answers as he swats at his friend. “Just let me change out of my uniform and I’ll be right over, all right?”

“Yay~ Thank-you Iwa-chan!” Oikawa says and skips the rest of the way to his house. He waves with far too much flourish when they depart as though it won’t be mere minutes that they’ll be separated.

A smile tugs at Iwaizumi’s lips despite him doing his level best to scowl instead. When he arrives to his own home, he is indeed quick to change out of his uniform. He hangs it up on his closet door and nearly races out of his room before remembering to grab his calculus notes.

He gives a courtesy knock at Oikawa’s door before he walks inside, taking off his shoes, and slides his feet into a pair of slippers reserved for him. “Thanks for having me.” He murmurs to house at large, before heading upstairs to Oikawa’s room. The other teen is on the floor sitting at the table that’s set up in the middle. “Hey,” Iwaizumi says before he takes a seat across from him.

“You took soooo long, Iwa-chan, I nearly fell asleep!” Oikawa says as he flops dramatically over the table.

“It was barely even ten minutes dumbass.” Iwaizumi says and flicks him on the forehead.

“Mean!” Oikawa pouts before he sits up and grabs his schoolbag. It seems his friend really did need help with Calculus; Iwaizumi initially doubted this and is glad he was wrong. So the pair spend an hour or so going over Oikawa’s homework, their voices quiet as questions and explanations pass between them.

Afterwards they find themselves on Oikawa’s bed lying on their stomachs flipping through a volleyball magazine. As Iwaizumi reads through an article, he can feel the other boy beside him moving, jostling his leg, his gaze furtive as he chews on his bottom lip. Iwaizumi sighs and turns to look at him. “What is it?”

“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” Oikawa asks.

“No.” Iwaizumi answers and turns his gaze back to the magazine. However before he can continue reading, Oikawa tosses it away. “Hey!”

“You don’t have to work through everything on your own.” Oikawa says, his voice quiet and serious. Iwaizumi’s skin prickles with his uncomfort. “Hajime.”

That’s what does it. His name falling past his friend’s lips. It’s only ever been uttered a handful of times, Oikawa preferring to use the nickname he had given him when they first met. Iwaizumi heaves a heavy sigh and looks away from his friend’s face. He’s hesitant and drums his fingers against the bed before he answers. “My mom’s pregnant.”

It’s silent for few seconds as Oikawa mulls this over. “Um, isn’t that usually a good thing?” When Iwaizumi doesn’t answer, he knocks his shoulder into his. “Iwa-chan...” He reaches out to stroke over the side of the brooding Iwaizumi’s face, forcing the other teen to look back at him. “You’re worried the baby is going to take your place?” He takes Iwaizumi’s silence as affirmation. “That won’t be the case, silly Iwa-chan.” He says and strokes his friend’s face again with the back of his hand.

“You don’t know that.” Iwaizumi finally speaks and frowns at Oikawa, disbelief clear on his face.

“Actually I do.” Oikawa replies primly, his head raised slightly. “Remember when you broke your arm when you were seven? I think your mom cried more than you did.” When Iwaizumi shows no signs of changing his mind, he continues. “Also she came to so many of our games over the years, whenever she could actually. Plus remember when she made your costume for the culture festival in our third year of middle school even though she only had three days notice? Or how about when she asked if you were okay with her marrying Himada-san? Or even when she took that week off of work to stay home with you last year when you got that really nasty flu?”

Before Oikawa could continue, Iwaizumi cut him off. “What’s your point?”

Oikawa sighs as though Iwaizumi is being really slow. “My point,” he says with a sharp tone before he continues, a little more gently, “is that your mom really loves you Iwa-chan and that’s not going to change just because you’re about to have a brand new sibling. In fact, she’s probably really excited at the prospect of having you there to be a good big brother to this baby. Don’t give me that look, I know you’ll be a good big brother.” Oikawa says and pinches Iwaizumi’s cheek. “You’re great with Takeru, not to mention you’ve always been a good senpai. Your mom is no doubt glad she’s raised such a respectable son, despite his more brutish tendencies and foul mouth. Gack! Sorry!” Oikawa says as Iwaizumi pulls on his ear.

“Dumbass,” Iwaizumi huffs before he lets go of Oikawa’s ear. He’s silent for a moment before he touches his forehead to Oikawa’s. “Thanks.” His eyes peering back into his friend’s own pair, sincere and tinged with fondness. When the other rubs their noses together, a laugh bubbles out of Iwaizumi, his mood slowly lifting, climbing out of the pit of despair and reaching out to the strong calloused hand that’s always been held out for him. He really doesn’t have to work through everything alone.

**Author's Note:**

> While this was initially just a way to vent out my emotions, it did allow me to use one of my headcanons on Hajime's family situation. Although I really do have several, and it kinda varies by fic... pfft


End file.
